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Distractions.

This blog is part of an ongoing series about my experience with the 7th Year e-journey- an (almost) weekly reflection on Alicia Britt Chole’s devotional material and my own spiritual formation. This one was actually written in an airport, the day before it’s timestamped.

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It’s ­hard to keep my eyes open. 6:00 a.m. yesterday was my last taste of sleep. My computer says it’s currently 1:30. My phone argues it’s 18:30. My body thinks it’s bed time- but it needs to wait about 7 hours.

Still I love traveling! I love the journey! But, sometimes there are delays and detours and unexpected costs along the way. This 7th Year e-journey had been no different. I’ll spare you the justifications as I confess that I’m several weeks behind.

BUT, the funny thing is that I have read each of the materials EXACTLY when I needed to read them.

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Week 9: understanding that there is an enemy trying to diminish the quality of your life and if you nurture the things he uses against you… you will sabotage yourself and your fruitfulness.

True- especially when you are beginning a new season of life.

As I sit here contemplating this post, I cannot decide whether to tell you about how a member of my family who threatened to disown me again, my strange financial issues, the random little problems I’ve encountered in my travels, or my internal dialogue concerning my future. All are DISTRACTIONS.

They make me insecure, uneasy, and fearful. God is NOT in the business of FEAR. Continue Reading…

The tree of life & my future plans.

No one seems to be surprised.

No one has responded negatively.

No one questions my sanity.

“It sounds like you.” “Yup, that’s God.” “Welcome back.”

In the past four days, I have talked to several of my closest friends about my decision regarding next fall.

Independently of one another, they each asked the same question: “So, does this mean you are finally going to follow you dream of…. “

Continue Reading…

Growth or something like it: Contemplating next fall.

Growth: The process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or spiritually.

During my first semester of seminary classes, I was required to take Spiritual Formation. The final assignment was a portfolio analyzing my needs for growth in every area of my life. 56 pages. Single-spaced. And, it was only a brief overview.

I spent months asking God to reveal areas of growth, and trying to succinctly articulate them into action steps. It was one of the most difficult and rewarding assignments I have ever had. 56 pages reminding me that I’m far from perfect. 56 pages showing me God’s grace.

When I read that the 7th Year e-journey’s exercise for Week 7 involved identifying areas of growth, I found myself dreaming of doing the paper all over again. I feel stuck. My growth has been stunted, and I want to change that… but how?

Without coveting other people’s lives or feeding the monster chomping away at my self esteem, how do I evaluate what needs to change? How do I condense what could be another 56 pages into just a few sentences?

If you were to jot down four or five areas of your life where you need to grow a little, what would they be?

Devotion.

Strength.

Creativity.

Transparency.

Risk.

I’d elaborate, but the truth is that it would be much easier to write another 56 pages than to list a few practical steps.

I’m currently working on a spoken word poem called “If I were to be honest.”  It’s all about coming clean and being transparent. If I were to be honest now, I would have to tell you that I need a break.

Continue Reading…

The sound of freedom

Have you ever felt like there was something inside fighting to break loose?

Brutal honesty. The audacity to believe there’s something more. The willingness to risk it all. Tiny victories fuels its hopes of escape.

It pounds at your chest. Races through your mind. Streams through tears. Sounds the S.O.S. by disrupting sleep and upsetting stomachs.

Something within is desperately screaming for freedom.

That’s me. Today. Yesterday. Probably tomorrow.

Longing to be unleashed, uncensored, uninhibited.  And, I’ll never be satisfied until it breaks through…

Continue Reading…

Lord, who are you supposed to be?

Hi God,

It’s me, Kera. But, you already knew that, since you’re omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and what not…

This week I’m supposed to write about how my perceptions of you have changed over the years. And, I probably should include a reflective insight on the importance of listening to your voice because that was this week’s devotional topic.

And, maybe I was supposed to finish this last week. Along with three overdue papers, a laundry list of things for work, and my taxes. I’m supposed to do a lot of things.

Love you. Love people. Hate sin.  Feed the poor. Memorize scripture. Cast out demons… blah blah blah.  You know the list. You wrote it.

Sometimes I wonder how much of my life you’ve written.

Continue Reading…

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